First of all, a big H/T to "Tyler Durden" of Zero Hedge for this one.
Like so many other things about everyone's favorite Investment Banking
"Family", this has so much of a ring of truth to it that it has to be included.
First - a disclaimer. The following prospectus is a parody. Any
resemblance between the following and an actual Goldman Sachs
prospectus is purely coincidental.
Anyone who represents to the contrary will be visited by two guys named
Rocco and Louie who will escort you to your new residence six feet
under the Nevada desert. Be Warned!
Prospectus Supplement to Prospectus dated August 19, 2009.
$30,000,000,000 *
(subject to arbitrary increase)
The Goldman Sachs Group Inc.
in conjunction with
United States Treasury Department
is pleased to offer you the following
0% Subordinated HFT Participation Notes
in the
GSBS I (Goldman Sach Bonus Securitization*)
*For legal reasons Goldman Sachs Group will not use the word "Trust" to describe this entity
The 0% Subordinated HFT Participation Notes represent a securitization
of forward-looking executive retention payments, payable to Goldman Sachs employees.
The Notes will pay interest in the form of negative accrual on the notes on
August 19 and February 19 of each year.The first such negative
accrual will be made on February 19, 2010.
The Notes will NOT be guaranteed by Goldman Sachs Group Inc. or any
of its affiliates. The HFT Notes will be collateralized by proceeds
from the bond and an indirect guarantee from the
United States Treasury.
Both the GSBS I collateral and Treasury Guarantee are for the sole
benefit of the Goldman Sachs Group Inc. executive retention program,
not holders of the HFT Notes. In the event that GSBS collateral is
not sufficient to meet the"2010 Bonus Payment Amount", the
United States Treasury has provided a full and unconditional guarantee
for any shortfall in payment amount.
At the earlier of the scheduled maturity date (December 31, 2010) ,
or the "Bonus Payment Date" all principal outstanding for the HFT Notes
will be extinguished. At the maturity, all collateral in the GSBS I
entity will be paid out to executives, which will result in zero
recovery value for the HFT Notes.
In exchange for participating in this HFT Note transaction,
participating holders will be"exempted" from front-running by
Goldman Sachs Group Inc. proprietary and high-frequency
trading activities.
Such exemption will last until the "Bonus Payment Date", at which point
Holders of the HFT Notes will be subject to front-running, dark pools, scalping,
and such other trading actions that Goldman Sachs Group inc. in its
sole discretion deems appropriate.
If Goldman Sachs becomes obligated to pay additional amounts to
non-US investors due to changes in US withholding tax requirements,
Goldman Sachs may redeem the notes before their stated maturity
at a price equal to 100% of the principal amount plus accrued
interest to the redemption date.
Neither the US Securities and Exchange Commission nor
any other regulatory body has approved or disapproved of these
securities or passed upon the accuracy or adequacy of this prospectus.
Any representation to the contrary is a criminal offense.
If such a criminal offense is committed by a Goldman Sachs
employee, it will not be prosecuted.
Such exemption will last until the "Bonus Payment Date", at which point
Holders of the HFT Notes will be subject to front-running, dark pools, scalping,
and such other trading actions that Goldman Sachs Group inc. in its
sole discretion deems appropriate.
If Goldman Sachs becomes obligated to pay additional amounts to
non-US investors due to changes in US withholding tax requirements,
Goldman Sachs may redeem the notes before their stated maturity
at a price equal to 100% of the principal amount plus accrued
interest to the redemption date.
Neither the US Securities and Exchange Commission nor
any other regulatory body has approved or disapproved of these
securities or passed upon the accuracy or adequacy of this prospectus.
Any representation to the contrary is a criminal offense.
If such a criminal offense is committed by a Goldman Sachs
employee, it will not be prosecuted.
Initial Public Offering Price: 99.858%
$ 29,957,400,000
Underwriting discount 0.450%
$ 135,000,000
Proceeds to Goldman Sachs before expenses 99.408%
$ 29,822,400,000
Proceeds to Goldman Sachs Executives 99.408%
$ 29,822,400,000
Goldman Sachs may use this prospectus supplement and the
accompanying prospectus in the initial sale of the Notes. In addition,
Goldman Sachs & Co. or any other affiliate of Goldman Sachs may use
this prospectus supplement and the accompanying prospectus
in a market-making transaction in the Notes after their initial sale,
and unless they inform the purchaser otherwise in the confirmation
of sale, this prospectus supplement and accompanying prospectus
is being used by them in a market-making transaction.
$ 29,957,400,000
Underwriting discount 0.450%
$ 135,000,000
Proceeds to Goldman Sachs before expenses 99.408%
$ 29,822,400,000
Proceeds to Goldman Sachs Executives 99.408%
$ 29,822,400,000
Goldman Sachs may use this prospectus supplement and the
accompanying prospectus in the initial sale of the Notes. In addition,
Goldman Sachs & Co. or any other affiliate of Goldman Sachs may use
this prospectus supplement and the accompanying prospectus
in a market-making transaction in the Notes after their initial sale,
and unless they inform the purchaser otherwise in the confirmation
of sale, this prospectus supplement and accompanying prospectus
is being used by them in a market-making transaction.
Goldman Sachs & Co.
United States Government
United States Government
Disclaimer: any resemblance to bonds or securitization pools,
actual or imaginary, positive or negative accrual, issued by Goldman Sachs
or the United States Government is purely coincidental.
Further Notice: The above-referenced securities having already been placed,
this entire post appears as a matter of record only.
actual or imaginary, positive or negative accrual, issued by Goldman Sachs
or the United States Government is purely coincidental.
Further Notice: The above-referenced securities having already been placed,
this entire post appears as a matter of record only.